


Being Alive

by cowboykylux



Series: Mind & Soul 'Verse [1]
Category: Marriage Story (2019)
Genre: Affairs, Canon Compliant, Canon Related, Divorce, Extramarital Affairs, F/M, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Post-Divorce
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:20:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21699136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cowboykylux/pseuds/cowboykylux
Summary: It's the end, of all of this. Of the divorce. It's the end and it feels like one. But, it feels like a beginning too.
Relationships: Charlie (Marriage Story)/Reader
Series: Mind & Soul 'Verse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1564099
Comments: 4
Kudos: 75





	Being Alive

_Someone to hold me too close._

_Someone to hurt me too deep._

_Someone to sit in my chair,_

_And ruin my sleep,_

_And make me aware,_

_Of being alive._

_Being alive._

_Somebody need me too much._

_Somebody know me too well._

_Somebody pull me up short,_

_And put me through hell,_

_And give me support,_

_For being alive._

_Make me alive._

You’re sitting there, at the table. You wonder if anyone knows, if anyone has an inkling, of how much _you_ know, at the table. You’re sitting there listening to him, to Charlie talk about Nicole.

He’s bitching, really. Bitching about Nicole.

You’re glad to hear it – not because you don’t like Nicole. Well, you do don’t like her. But you’re glad to see him finally start to let himself feel everything he’s been feeling. He’s been so wrapped up in being good to her, being good for her, he won’t dare call her a villain.

Maybe they’re both villains you think, as you listen to him bitch. But your loyalty has never been with Nicole. Despite all of it, all the time you’ve known one another, it’s never been with her.

Which is why you’re there, at the table, in the restaurant. In New York. You’re there with Charlie, have always been there with Charlie. And he’s talking, bitching, about a couch. He’s kissed you on that couch.

He’s done a lot more than kiss you.

He bitches but then he stops, just for a second, and looks at you, so apologetically. He’s apologetic, and you only nod slightly, the smallest thing, barest hint of a nod. It’s to tell him it’s okay, he’s okay, you’re okay. You’re all okay.

You don’t sit next to him, not yet. It’s too soon, too early for all of that, too early to break the news to everyone. That’s not Charlie’s request, no, why should it be when Nicole already has a new boyfriend? No, it’s yours. You don’t want it to make him seem bad, because you know it’ll make him seem bad, if he already has a new girlfriend. They’ll say he moved on too quickly, never really cared about her.

And even though she did, he’s held to a different standard. They’re both held to different standards, hadn’t Nicole’s lawyer said something about that once? It’s not fair, but you don’t want the world to hate him, not when so much of it’s already stacked so against him.

He lost, the case. He lost. He’s losing everything, the least you can do is not let him lose this, this small group of people who love and trust and respect him. The least you can do is not make him lose anything else. He looks miserable, because he wants you. He keeps nudging his foot against yours under the table, if he were close enough you bet he’d hold your hand, reach for you. He’s always reaching for you, even as he bitches about his ex-wife.

But then the piano starts to play a song that you, and he, and all his theater buddies know well, and he can’t help but start to sing along.

“Someone to hold you too close,” He starts, out of nowhere, waiting for the beat to start. He gets out of his chair, and continues, singing in that slightly-off way of his. You smile, he’s never been a singer, despite loving it so much, “Someone to hurt you too deep.”

He even does the speaking bits as he walks up to the microphone, which is thankfully vacant. He sidles up right to it, adjusts it, looks out at the crowd.

Looks out at you.

They laugh at first, either embarrassed or proud or somewhere halfway between, you aren’t sure.

You’re proud.

You’re crying.

Crying when he walks around to the table, when he sits down, when he smiles at you – only to make a sharp turn and he’s back at the microphone. He’s back, with his hands on his hips, gesturing to the crowd.

Gesturing to you.

You hide behind your drink, smiling, blushing, knowing. You know. He knows. They all know.

They don’t know anything.

You can hear the emotion in his voice, but like so many notes he’s given so many others, this time you can tell he doesn’t want it too badly, it just comes naturally. The way he purses his lips has the tears clinging to your lashes, the way his chin wobbles for a split second. You don’t miss it, don’t miss anything, nothing that he does.

Maybe that was the difference between you and Nicole. You know him, you catch him. You’re always there to catch him.

And then the song is over, and he’s breathing heavy, and just like that he’s looking at you, and the words are echoing in the air, and there’s an applause from his adoring friends, and you think, no matter what, the two of you are going to be okay.

You’re going to be okay.

_Make me alive._

_Make me confused._

_Mock me with praise._

_Let me be used._

_Vary my days._

_But alone,_

_Is alone,_

_Not alive._

_Somebody crowd me with love._

_Somebody force me to care._

_Somebody let me come through,_

_I'll always be there,_

_As frightened as you,_

_To help us survive,_

_Being alive._

_Being alive._

_Being alive!_

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is part of my 'Mind & Soul' universe x


End file.
